equinox
by Apathy In Disguise
Summary: You can hope and wish and dream all you want but it doesn't matter, does it, when you have to sit and watch the person you love, love someone else? Tori & Beck, falling apart.


**equinox**

You can hope and wish and dream all you want but it doesn't matter, does it, when you have to sit and watch the person you love, love someone else? Tori & Beck, falling apart.

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><p><em>WEY HEY I ACTUALLY WROTE A STORY, YOU PROUD?<em>

this is for emma, i wrote your bori for you bb.

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><p><em>she makes my heart {scream colour}<em>

_i know by now she should've found me out._

_and every breath i have's been exhausted._

**_but colour makes her smile._**

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><p>it goes a little bit like this;<p>

boy meets girl.

girl falls in love.

boy is already in love with someone else.

.

her mind, it's just so _positive, _so filled with possibility, with what ifs, with coulds and woulds and _hope _and a more than slightly consumed with the thought that he might love her too.

well, you can hope and wish and dream all you want but it doesn't matter, does it, when you have to sit and watch the person you love, love someone else?

.

some days, she thinks that he likes her too.

those days when his stare lingers too long, and he grips too tightly when they - although infrequently - hug.

but then the sound of jade's complaints and cat's giggles and andre's piano come crashing down, filling her ears with useless nonsense.

but everything that tori hears could be classified as useless nonsense, because the only thing she considers worth hearing is "i love you" and it has to come from a boy who's busy saying those exact words to another girl who doesn't even appreciate them.

.

sometimes, beck wonders what he feels for tori.

because magic does not do her justice, does not explain the feelings in his chest and his head and _shit _he's going to explode if he doesn't kiss her again soon.

jade's breathing down his neck and he can't do it anymore, he really can't.

so he says the four words that could quite possibly get him killed.

"we need to talk."

.

tori throws herself into an upcoming performance, ignoring the outside world and focusing on singing and dancing and glitter.

and sure, glitter's nice and everything, but it's just not the same as a working heart.

.

the night is done, and tori's done too, done with fake smiles and uncomfortable dresses and singing until her throat _breaks._

she runs outside, collapses against the wall and pulls out a cigarette and takes a drag, breathing a huge sigh of relief.

"i wouldn't do that, torster," an apprehensive voice rings out from somewhere, enveloped in the darkness.

"_torster?_" tori snorts, but she lets her second, unlit cigarette fall to the ground and get lost in amongst the other, forgotten memories.

"it was the best nickname i could come up with in 30 seconds,"

and then he kisses her.

it's like he's bursting into life. she's making his heart scream colour.

he can taste the smoke on her lips; still, beneath that, she tastes like honey and hope and promises.

she tastes like heaven is breaking, exploding, showering over the two of them.

it is her and it is them and it always has been, always should be.

.

they've been sitting there, kissing for exactly 1 hour and 18 minutes when she pulls away.

"beck... what are we doing?"

"jade and i broke up," he explains, which is almost good enough for tori, but there's one more question that won't go away.

"do you still love her?" she asks, apprehensively.

"we _broke up_," he repeats, leaning in to kiss her again.

"that's not the same thing."

they sit in silence for the rest of the night.

.

"they say that if you're in love with two people, you should choose the second, because if you really loved the first you wouldn't have even fallen for the second, anyway," beck points out, reaching for her hand.

she pulls away.

"but if you really loved the second, you wouldn't still have feelings for the first, would you?" she responds sadly, walking away.

he lets her.

.

a week later and things are back to normal, beck is holding jade's hand and laughing and smiling but still looking out the corner of his eye for tori.

she hides out, drags cat to another table and explains the whole damn situation to her, how she completely and utterly _fucked _everything up.

"well," cat blinks, "we've got a bit of a disaster on our hands, don't we?"

and then she giggles.

"come on, let's ditch school and have a girls day," cat beams, so tori obliges.

they buy ice cream and sit and watch 500 days of summer and it's the best day of tori's life.

.

it goes a little bit like this;

boy smiles at girl from across the room.

girl turns away.

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><p>lol that was shit tbqh.<p>

feel free to criticise, flames are for children.

the song that inspired this is **colours **by **barcelona.**


End file.
